18 til I Die

It’s nearly 2:15am and I’m waiting for my hair to dry so I can just collapse on the bed and sleep til the weekend is over. Today was the hottest and wettest day ever and the Street Party HAD to be on, lah.

Felt kinda charitable this morning so I decided to hop over to offer my ‘kuli’ help. Hey, Street Party is for charity okay, and I feel guilty that I ffk-ed Shirley for the Taman Megah sale last week.

So at 6 it started to rain. You could actually tell who were the MUSA people just by looking around at the faces. Those in MUSA looked like their favourite pet hamster had just been run over by a truck. By 7pm, it got heavier, and at that time, I got stuck in the… storage tent. With the two emcees (JJ or J-squared as they prefer to be known) constantly sneaking ‘pervy’ glances at the hot bods of the hip hop dancer chicks practicing in a corner of the tent.

Aih, tengok hujan pun lagi syok.

That was just the beginning.

This was the rain at its max, while they were doing soundcheck.

The fellas sit there macam malas edi; stupid rain dampened everyone’s mood.

I was stoning in that tent for like forever.

Then the rain slowed to a drizzle and people began to show signs of life. Either that, or they were really hungry. The Tennis Club’s Beef Bulgogi catered from an authentic Korean restaurant opposite the Australian embassy was the ultimate yummiest. The most exotic crowd-puller in the food category had to be

Tracy’s chocolate fountain. I was so desperate to get my hands on the strawberry fondue that I was first in the queue.

I guess the most value-for-money would be the…. urm… the MBC’s Ramly burger. Ha ha. I got it for free after midnight. I think it should be called value-for-no-money-at-all. But it’s good; I’m eating it now and for something about 6 hours old, it’s still quite firm and not all over the place. I sound like I’m talking about tits.

CPA Club has a really queer way of going about doing charity work. They had this ‘donate money for a go at catching fish’ thing going on, and you get to keep the fish you manage to catch. The thing is, most of the people who caught the fish did not rear fish at home. Never mind, as Chor Min Ex CPA president put it, "They sacrificed their lives for a good cause." Amen to that.

Carven belanja me one round and I was trying to catch some because I wanted a fish Ramly burger, but I guess I’m just too slow. Even at home when I want to wash the fish tank, trying to scoop the fishies out into a pail takes ages.

Bumped into Siew Bing and Yvonne. It’s funny how that we hung out like every day in Australia but when we get back, we both have our own group of friends.

Weird, kan? Or maybe I’m just anti-social.

Then I go watch Lightcraft perform, and got their CD since I liked their songs so much. I could have just burned them from the demo CD they handed in for the audition, but, nah. For once, I support the original music industry. Enrico and the rest were kind enough to autograph it for me; I felt awfully like a groupie, but what the hell rite.

Watching J-squared in action.

Aries, whose birthday I missed last week (many sorries dude! we know what happened), J and I.

I have this really stupid thing with funny food and places with funny names (remember the BlowHole in Tasmania) and I just can’t resist taking silly pictures. Everyone already give up on me. 

This HAS got to be the UGLIEST photo of myself ever. But the choc banana fondue was amazing.

Ok, that’s it. My hair’s partially dry, the Ramly burger in my tummy is giving me the sleepy buzz, and I’m beat.

My luck nowadays is rather mixed. No, I’m not talking about Lindsay Lohan’s crappiest production to date since I saw her as a little girl in The Parent Trap. The concept of ‘progressive improvement’ apparently did not occur to her.

Anyway, it IS possible to have news from two extreme ends of the spectrum in one day. Just this day last week, I prayed (to whoever who would listen, as usual) that if the wish I wanted came true, I’d gladly forgo the other more superficial option. In that prayer, I chose one over the other. And I promised that if I got the one I chose, I’d be happy even if I did not get the other one.

Now I think my prayer was a bit too general. But nevertheless, my wish technically came true. I just must remember the importance of precise wishes as taught by the many ‘genie and the magic lamps’ stories.

——————

What with assignments, interviews ladidaladida coming up in the next few weeks, it sure feels like last year all over again. Minus a whole lot of frustration. Talked to Ben Han and Yvonne and it seems everyone’s going through the whole job application and career confusion process.

As long as I am not alone. Things are so much easier to face when you know somebody else is in the same pail of shit. Final semester students, in my opinion, are neither here nor there. The lost souls who meander the world not knowing where to find that which they seek, being neither flesh nor spirit. Ok, I didn’t mean for it to sound so gory. I just meant to say we don’t really belong to Monash, but we don’t really belong to the working world as well.

———-

Other than that, things are looking up. The rain outside is coming down in torrents, and the apartment looks dim and cosy. I’m having my favourite Fruit Tree drink, Katie Melua is driving me close to crazy and Tom Friedman is about to tell me why he thinks ‘The World Is Flat’. My new box of puzzles is begging to be opened, but that’s a treat I’ll leave for later.

It’s been a long, long week.

First there was that insane happening with the dress in that shop. Mom and I were in one of the many shops in One U and I saw this bohemian spaghetti dress that looked worth trying. The sizes appeared rather big so I grabbed a size 2. HooHoo. Big mistake. I managed to slip it on over my head without much problems, and the dress fit well. But I got stuck in the changing room for 20 sweaty minutes trying to pull the dress up over my boobs. Apparently I put on weight in the time I was in the changing room. Mom called me, as she was already in another shop and wondering where I was.

"Mom, you have to come and cut me out of this dress. Serious, please save me."

Then came the soap opera extraordinaire at the Monash Ball pageant selection interview on Saturday. I somehow thought that the girl was trying to play the sympathy vote, and from the looks on the faces of the rest, it seems they were thinking the same thing too. But ‘desperation’ and ‘wannabe’ behaviour was not enough to exclude her from selection so she got in. I mean, it’s seriously disgusting. There are so many other people whose super-rich families have lost everything in the stock market crash and whose parents have argued like hell on earth til they divorced but never do they utter one word. It’s not because they don’t dare to air their dirty laundry in public. It’s because they don’t need to use that to prove to other people that they are tough and strong and that they have weathered unimaginable emotional storms. 

I think I’m upset because El Desperado and I share a similar background and experiences but she had to go and embarass herself like that. I would have had more respect for her if she hadn’t cried after saying she was tough and all.

Sheesh.

Then it was back to Melaka for me on Monday to show Ralf and Eva around who were stopping over while on their long trip in Asia. They loved the chicken rice balls and the satay celup. We went on a slow drive out of town as Eva wanted to see kampung houses. I nearly hit the car in front of me in shock when Eva squealed as she saw… the sea.

When I stared at her, she shrugged shyly and said "I can’t help it. In Austria we have no sea."

Rushed up to KL on Tuesday as I was supposed to emcee the ball showcase together with John, but a massive traffic fuckup at Sungai Besi made me late so I texted Nat to ask someone else. Clinique was having this ultra-cheap sale of its goodie packs so I got one for mom as a surprise present.

————-

I’m ADDICTED. To Insaniquarium! My initial scepticism about the amount of fun a fish game could actually elicit from me has all but disappeared.

I woke up early this morning sweating and trembling from head to toe. It was a ghastly dream, the worse I’ve had ever since I moved in here. My hands immediately went to two things, my bear and my crystal pendant. Then I realized that my crystal pendant wasn’t around my neck as it usually was. In that moment of sleepy delirium, I couldn’t remember what happened to it.

10 minutes later I remembered, and then took it out of a thefaceshop paper bag on my desk. I’d taken it off because it clashed terribly with a dress I wore during the day.

I lay down in bed, trying to slow my crazy heartbeat. But sleep was not to come, because (and I swear I really heard it) I heard screams. It sounded like it was coming from outside, from my open balcony doors. A male scream, 4 times.

"Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah!"

Then all was quiet. I nearly lost my mind. Remembered the guy who jumped off the Lagoonview penthouse about two years ago. Now there is a version saying he was murdered. But honestly, I don’t know. Respect those who are gone.

Thanks for wasting your credit to talk to me cos I had zero left. I was actually scared because of this, but I told you it was because I slept too much and was bored. I appreciate your help.

I keep reminding myself that change is a constant. Over and over and over again.

Please God. Anyone.

Give me the strength to get through the tough times by myself. The strength to be happy again.

I got this from a blog that I can’t remember how I got there. It was a primary school friend’s and her (ex, i think) boyfriend’s joint blog.

Please don’t let me be the only one who collapsed in convulsing giggles.

*screams* Walked past Parkson KLCC and saw a Benefit cosmetics counter. This just shows how long I have not ventured into that part of the city. I love globalization. It’s what makes Benefit available here, yummy dimsum available in SharkFin House Melbourne, and the fact that most major blockbusters open simultaneously worldwide.

Frankly, it was the best thing that happened to me today. Yup, Jacinda’s counting the littlest blessings now. Ok, off to clear some mess, both in my head, and in my room (it kinda looks like the devastated scene after the aliens blasted everything to hell in War Of The Worlds)

My brain is clogged. My toilet is leaking, and clogged. I think I will die if I keep holding it in any longer. No I’m not talking about being constipatedlah though it sure sounds like it. I tried to tell you my feelings, and they got brushed off again. I know I’m not perfect, but at least I don’t want to use you to show off or to prove something to others. I may want to prove things to people, but I use no one but myself to do it. Yet to you, it’s one and the same. But I can still take that.

It’s when words of possessiveness, childish jealousy get dragged into the picture, that I start to think of how the past one ended. You don’t trust me. Those guys are just my friends, whom i rarely even meet. I can rarely breathe now without questions being asked.

Damn I just had to get that out. It’s clogging my chest like some stuffed artery.

Since you didn’t want to listen, what choice do I have.

———————-

Back to the clogged toilet. I’m just so fed up of the time it takes just to get simple things done here. The plumber was called on Monday, and its already Friday afternoon and I haven’t seen hide or hair of him. I can get my academic transcript on the spot in Caulfield, but here I have to wait 3 days for the same transcript. No wonder people’s stress levels here go through the roof sometimes.

I hate it when people use the phrase "object of affection" on a person. Like, "she is the object of my affection." If anyone uses it on me, I’ll knife them.

Firstly, it would mean that I’m an object. I’m not a thing, to be taken out and shown around just for fun or just to prove something. When I’m hurt, or when old wounds are reopened, I can’t tell it to anyone. The ones that are there to listen I can’t tell for fear its inappropriate, and the ones that I can tell are not there for me to confide in or just succeed in hurting my feelings even more.

All I need is a hug sometimes.

Not incessant insulting godowhateveryouwanthumiliateyourself spiels.

I don’t know how I should react right now. At best, my feelings are mixed. I know I shouldn’t give in to childish hatred but I just can’t help it. I used to just ignore the thought whenever it came up. But now, the bloody thing (or person, shall I say) is in my face. I know it’s almost two years since it happened. But sometimes the all too familiar feeling of "I just wana scratch your eyes out bitch" comes washing over me. Didn’t you know he was mine? Didn’t you know we were just on some timeout when you literally threw yourself at him? I always was the ‘chill’ girlfriend about him hanging out with other girls, spending time away from me, and I still am, except that ‘you’ made that time the exception. 

Ok, I’ve finished with my rant. Breaaathe.. and say ‘don’t lose your cool jac, its not cool’ then breathe again. Then repeat above phrase for as long as it takes. Jeez. I think I think too much.

I missed class yesterday. Couldn’t wake up, the bed got me this time. And today I missed it as well because I was due to attend some pageant elimination thing for Monash Ball. And I never go for lectures, and since snoring in Malaysian studies does not count as a ‘class’, so that means.. I’ve skipped ALL my classes this week. What a stark contrast to my nerdy times in Australia. Shittos.

Listened to a band’s CD and found out they know Broken Scar, whose songs Jessica has been raving about, and which I think are pretty ‘chill’, my type of music. As in relaxed. I think ‘Midnight In St Kilda’ is quite good. Purely instrumental, but good. So anyway, this band, Lightcraft will be performing at the Street Party happening next Friday, 7-10pm Sunway College carpark. There’ll be food, music and more performances so check it out if you’re free.

Going about my affairs today, suddenly missed my sister in US.

She is currently enjoying happiness akin to marital bliss over there in the heat of LA’s summer. You’re looking at the future Mrs Sergey Shevchenko. Krushchev. Putin. Whatever. I don’t know his surname.

Those two are an amazing study in contrasts. He drinks vodka like water, and all she does is puke in the vodka bucket.

Grandma has been on my tail making me find a certain type of toothbrush for her. It’s just a normal toothbrush, not even those battery operated ones, nor the flexible head thingamajigs they try to sell us nowadays. All she wants is.. a normal hard-bristled Follow Me brand toothbrush. But I can’t find Follow Me anywhere. How la? She’s damn ‘locked in’ to the brand edi. I’ve been to the most upmarket malls to the lowest of the mini marts..still no Follow Me. Now I must go and think how to tell my grandma that the ‘toothbrush is no longer in production’ in Hainanese.

————–

I came home to see a slim white box called ‘Clinique Derma White Super City Block SPF 40/PA++ super ecran-ville quotidien all skin types’ sitting on my desk. I think it means ’sunblock’ in English. I called mom to find out why such a thing is there and she said:

"Yeala, I buy for you lah! I know you won’t buy one, now that I buy already, you BETTER USE ARH!"    Eeeek. Now this will add another 5 minutes to my everyday getting ready routine. Sheesh. And I’ve always prided myself on my 15minute timeframe.

———————

We went out on a special date to celebrate our managing to stay together for over a year without biting each others heads off. Or attempting murder. So here’s a small tribute to you for not giving in to your urge to strangle me sometimes. Muah. He gets excited over ice cream.

And also……

The fact that the new Transnasional buses have seatbelts installed. He belted himself happily in, and chortled, "Brace for impact!"

-_-" 

And this is one good reason why night prowlers should never buy Kodak. Their night mode = no night mode whatsoever to speak of.

Decided to go home to Melaka for the weekend to chill and escape from KL for a bit. The itch of adventure caught up with us and we decided to take a drive to Jasin to visit a temple.

Ah yes… My usual method of driving. I don’t really get to see the scenery while I drive because my eyes are closed.. er no, i mean, im too busy forecasting which road to take to avoid the ones that have jams.. my own internal Maxis traffic alerts system.

Sigh, a weekend in Melaka has reduced me to a pile of gibberish goo.

We’re born wanderers.. (oops mom sorry i forgot to put the clinique eclairville super super derma sunblock thingie)

Then at night I caught up with some old secondary school friends that I’ve not met for ages. I’ve missed all of them, except for Oliver, who’s pretty much still the insulting little fellow he was in Form 3. *grin* cheers, dude. here’s to you finally finding a girl you can classify as ‘pretty’.

A rare momentary lull in conversation…

………. These are the guys (and girls) who have seen me at my worst moments, the funny haircuts, the weird eyebrows and the awful metallic braces years. All through secondary school we laughed, talked, played, argued, studied together. Though we don’t see each other that often now, I think we still know that we are friends.

Really like family portrait. Damn sehati sejiwa, sial.