18 til I Die

Today, NY Eve, was a really busy day. While driving around town, chauffeuring the whole world and his aunt around Melaka, I couldn’t help but think I’d rather be in EY office printing some AWPs than get burnt to a crisp. Frankly, it was really hot today. And it didn’t rain. At all. In the space of a day, I’ve managed to go to two temples to pray, collect some clothes from the tailor, go to the bank to help mum exchange notes for ang paus, buy two roasted ducks, hunt around town for an open bakery to buy two cakes, sleep (yeah u heard that right), and after dinner, go for a stroll up and down Jonker Walk. I bought two tea eggs. I love tea eggs. I love eggs. But I don’t love tea. So how come I like tea eggs?

So yesterday was my last day in EY, and I sneaked off a bit early. But of course, I was rushing like a mad cow trying to finish all the tasks I’d been given. My manager called me while J, Hui and I were on the way back to Melaka. I thought she wanted to scold me. Instead she thanked me for helping her these few months, and asked me to come back to EY. Hmm. I felt happy. At least I didn’t work so hard (heck i stayed in office til 1am helping her with a file) for it to go unappreciated. See? It’s so easy to satisfy me. Just say thank you. Or give me a tea egg.

Today I was emailing some stuff to the new Activities Chairperson and could not help but feel a bit sad that I was not the one organizing it this time. Oh well. I’ve always believed in knowing when to make your exit. And not to stay too long til your star shines no more. Of course, thats not to say I will not help out in MUSA anymore. Was walking in Jonker Street and couldn’t help but get some inspiration for an event. (Somehow it was something to do with the street party that I heard has been planned) I really dunno how to sit still. My fingers, and my heart are itching to call up Natalie and ask her hows things, and see if I can dip my toe in some matters to help her. But then I realize that its not my job anymore, and then she may have ideas of her own and may not want to take advice from me. Anyway I told myself that I was going to find a different focus this year. And I’ll stick to what I’ve decided..

I’m 22 this year. Is that old? I don’t think so. But it sure does FEEL so. Had an email from a friend the other day, and I think he captured in words, what I felt but couldn’t say. It is simply the thought of the future, the life you’re going to live, the marriage, the children, the career, the house, car, your parents, that somehow puts an unseeing pressure on you from all angles, changing your thinking and behaviour.

A random phrase has just entered my mind, one I’ve heard so many times from a Comms guy called Meng Yoe.

"They say, when you meet the love of your life, time stops."

And its true. Time sure stopped when I bit into a McEgg for the first time. It also did, and still does, whenever I chomp on calamari. Same goes for when I watched Pride and Prejudice. When I abseiled down a cliff in Pangkor. Took a picture standing at the top of a steep San Francisco street. When I helped, and held, a friend. When a friend helped me. When the person I loved told me he loved me back. These are the loves of my life. The memories, travelling, eating (yeah!) friends. They’re linked together by a common feeling: Love.

Orait I am kinda free in office now as I am nearing the end of my internship and get less impt jobs now since they know I will not be able to complete it on time.

The single most painful bit of news (literally) is that my wisdom teeth are growing. And it hurts. The inner side of my cheek has been grazing against the little protusion of a tooth and hence a frightening ulcer has developed there. The part is always red and swollen. And whats even scarier is that today my tongue was brushing against my inner cheek and I felt some flesh actually scraped off. Ow. Those who see me walking around with my hand to my right cheek, its due to this.

Today was also a rather mortifying day, by my standards. Had to do stat audit so was at the client’s company secretary office to summarise some minutes and stuff. It looked like some average Joe kinda firm so I was pretty relaxed too. They gave me this room to work in alone and I tucked myself happily into a chair. Felt an unsuppressable urge to pick my nose (come on it happens to all of us sometimes!) and unfortunately, I succumbed. (was too lazy to go to the toilet even)

20 minutes later, while I was breathing through a nose free of obstructions, I looked up to the ceiling and saw.. a security camera. I wanted to leave client’s place there and then.

(written 25/01/06)

then id rather not receive any news at all. Guess wat? This bumbling dumbass of a donut lost her sim card. Yeah not the phone, but the sim card. How can it be, when the sim card is IN THE PHONE??! Oh well I still managed to lose it, cos I took it out of the phone and left it on the table in Asia Cafe, and then walked off without it. Can’t imagine who would wana take a sim card, seriously. But I kinda loved my number, I don’t know if it was because of the -007 at the back or just plain nostalgic attachment to it.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be getting the old number back. For a couple of reasons:-

a) Not worth the trouble since i’m leaving soon anyway

b) I figure too much attachment to one thing is bad, so this is a way of training myself to live without the things I’m used to having around

The system that is EY. More specifically, the claims system. I’m actually entitled to get around 300 bucks worth of claims but I cant put them through. And I’m leaving next week. And I rebel by typing my blog when I should be typing the report due tonite.

My blog posts are so mundane. Haven’t felt a flash of inspiration in weeks. Does this happen to everyone after they start working? They get all boring?

I just remembered something. It’s nth much really. Kinda like filler for my blog. Was at the Monash pre-departure briefing at Regent on Sunday when I saw someone I did not like there. After a few discreet enquiries I found out that the person is going to Aus too. I cringe. At the thought of seeing the person there.

Yup. I’m sneaking abit of time off to type my blog at client’s place. It’s lunch time anyways so.. (ahaha a CYA, as Oliver told me, it means ‘Cover Your Ass’) We’re trying to finish up whatever we can today, so we don’t have to come in to client’s in the morning tomorrow. The deadline for the file is tomorrow evening. My part is almost complete save for a few minor tweaks here and there.

My health check is this weekend. I so do hope that it will be able to be finalized on time, since the CNY holidays are coming up. Sometimes I get panic flutters thinking I may not be able to get my visa on time… then again I’ve always been a worry wart.

Went to MidValley looking for a coat and ended up with the same coat I had seen in One Utama’s TopShop last month. It seems kinda worth it for just a couple hundred bucks… although I know mum will freak when she sees it. She’s already told me not to get any since my aunt is sending some winter stuff from Switzerland.

But I can’t help it. The coat’s too delicious. Plus the coat my aunt sent to me makes me look like Bigfoot. And the style is kinda ancient, circa 1800s.

My manager has just asked me to submit the file TONITE. Sheesh. Time to pick up the slack.

It’s been nearly two weeks. This internet deprived girl finally has had the chance (and the time!) to talk about what’s going on in her life. But then again, if I had spent the past two weeks living LIFE, instead of working, I might have more to talk about. Suddenly, I’m not in a rush now to graduate, to work. Feel rather excited about going to Australia, although I hardly have the time to think about it lately. Really, the luxury of sitting back and pondering on my life is one I can ill afford. I just finished a job with a huge construction company, and by huge I mean, one with 42 subsidiaries. I did a search for unrecorded liabilities, sales and purchases cutoff test for all the 42 companies, while I prepared the AWP (audit working paper- usually from Excel) for 7 companies. For those who are curious, the tests above are conducted for the purpose of ensuring that the company does not materially overstate their revenue or understate their liabilities as at closing date, just to sweeten up the balance sheet and profit figure. Kinda made sense to me although I dont major in accounting. I guess non-accounting majors can do audit work, although of course it does help if you have an idea of which account normally has credit or debit balance.

Went out with some of the waggish gang, + some partners of the gang today. Ron was surprisingly, without his other half, but then I found out that it wasnt out of choice, but circumstance. E wei I dont have to say anythg cos nobody expects him to have a gf (i noe its really mean, but we still love you dude). I have to say I rather had a turn when I met Nick’s GF. She totally is not the same girl he was with last year. I was about to call her Eugenia, thinking I maybe forgot her face, but then he intro-ed her as Mavis. Lucky I avoided that major boo boo.

I actually wanted to chat more with him to find out about wat he’s doing and all, but I felt a bit weird cos his gf was like, super glued to him all the time. I mean, I’d wanted to ask why he and Eugenia broke up but I couldn’t possibly do that in front of his current gf rite? That wouldve been hilarious. She’d hate me. I guess the thing about Nick, I don’t know if its bad or not, is that he is absolutely focused. On his gfs. How I know? Well I used to be one of them, remember? Hehe. Looking from an outsider point of view now, it looks kinda like ‘affection overload’ sometimes. Of course I didn’t think it like that when we were together. But now, haha different story la. Some may mistake it for me being jealous, but come on, those who know me know better than that. Sure it felt weird, seeing your ex and his current squeeze feeding each other sushi, hugging and whatnot while sitting directly opposite you, but after awhile it just looked kinda funny to me. Phew.. lucky J doesn’t have super glue tendencies. hehe.

Just applied for a visa online and am currently having problems downloading the health forms. Sigh. Hope i can sneak off some time during the week to go do my medical checkups and all… i SO DO NOT WANT TO BE STUCK IN MALAYSIA just cos i didnt get my visa or whatnot on time. And theres the slight problem of my accomodation.. hehe…

Somehow I feel compelled to write my last blog post in this room of mine. I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by bags, boxes and little bits and pieces of stuff that I haven’t yet figured out where to stuff them. I know I’ll probably just throw them in my backseat but I’ve decided to wait til the last minute to make that decision. My shelf is still standing where it has been this whole year, as I havent figured out where to get a spanner to un-spanner the bolts holding it together. I sneakily tried to get rid of it without Mum knowing, but as soon as she heard I was gonna move house, she called up to say she specifically wanted the shelf. And a whole lot of other things like my bathroom stuff. I plan to just ignore her about the bathroom bit.

I feel like how I felt in early Jan last year, where I was packing to move into the house, instead of out of it. For the life of me I really can’t remember if there was anyone thr to help me out, frankly, my mind seems to have auto-blocked every event in my life from jan to april. I remember David dropping by to bring me to IKEA (thanks dude!) and lending me his really ancient manual hand drill which didn’t manage to do the job in the end. Well, I guess it’s about the same situation as last year, seeing as I’m alone, surrounded by heaps of stuff to unscrew and unbolt. Jason’s still sleeping, he must be really tired.. and anyways, I kinda learnt long ago that you should always depend on yourself, and if other people wana come along for the ride, so much the better.

Of course, I don’t consider myself completely independent (smacks of a disclaimer to avoid freaking people out!) as most of my posts will show I can be irrationally whiny and wholesomely incapable of many things. Aaahh, but what’s a chink or two in the armour that can only differentiate oneself from the rest?

I know blogs are supposed to be a place where you can pour out your deepest thoughts, however, I’m not one of those who are comfortable with spilling all.. moreover, there might be people who could feels slighted by my words, and never is my intention to start a fight. Suffice to say, I started the New Year today (yeah for me it began today) in a somewhat introspective mood, reflecting on what’s good for me, what’s not, evaluating my personal boundaries as an individual, taking a clear look at myself and what I sorely lack. For what it’s worth, I do realize I can be slightly immature at times, but I’m the kind of person who will need many lessons before it gets stuck in my psyche. However, I’ve a few issues that will seriously need some sorting out this year. Funny thing about me is how I’ve become a little more tolerant than i was 12 months ago. Things that previously would have made me scream injustice only see me swallowing and shutting up. It would have been easier a pill to swallow if only I could convince myself that it was just nothing, but when it screams to me of insensitivity bordering on disrespect, plus a bit of insecurity (my own!) thrown in, I can hardly ignore it, can i?

But of course, I do admit I’m a serial avoider of issues, preferring of course to sit on the mine until a rat scampers across it, and it blows up in my face. Then again, I’ve always been like that. A really niggly question has been chewing its way through my mind lately: Do you or do you not change who you are to suit a relationship? Or a friendship or anythg for that matter? Until now, I have no answer. There’s this part of me that thinks everything can somehow magically fall into place, with two people being so right for each other.. (I blame love movies and that terribly fascinating ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I watched last nite) It may/may not exist, why dont you tell me if you have found out… While there’s this part that does acknowledge the need to work at something to make it good. But then again, my mind continues on, "what if the work is too hard? and youre too tired to do anything about it?" It’s like a barbecue, you know. You’re in charge of cooking the chicken and when the flames die out, you’re responsible for fanning the embers to life again. Sometimes you can flap the newspaper til you’re blue in the face but the f**king thing won’t flame. What do you do then? Continue flapping til you keel over from a heart attack, or just tell the chicken ‘I’m sorry, I’ve tried my utmost but you gotta get someone else to cook you’ and walk away, feeling sad that you couldn’t cook and eat the chicken even if u wanted to.

Wat a crazy story. Better get back to packing. Ta.

First I type a blog post and then somehow, somehow.. i don’t know how, it gets erased off. And I can’t find it anywhere. Then I have to move house, like, tomorrow, and I haven’t dismantled my furniture. I hate this. I know starting the new year by grumbling is not good karma, but to me, my head, mind and soul are still stuck in 2005. Somehow I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about the year past, and it just irritates the hell out of me. I’m being crazy, completely bonkers and just plain moody. I don’t want 2006 to come so fast. I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready for the revelations, the extra year to my name, the added lines around my eyes, not being able to find a plc to stay in Melbourne yet….

Was at Bangsar yesterday for dinner with a couple of people. We were really early so we hung out at Starbucks drying our pantsleeves from clomping around in the downpour. Walked over to Bar Flam only to realize that it was ‘Bar Flam’ and not Restaurant Flam where we had made a booking. Kinda duh since we expected it to be something like in Pyramid. Decided to indulge myself with oysters and wine.. I mean, it was the last day of the year, I had just had an awful week at work.. and I felt it was justified. Heck I feel anything is justified after the shit hours you put in at work. The meal was good, conversation was better, so all in all it was a fulfilling albeit somewhat ’sedate’ kind of affair.

Not so sedate after awhile though when we went over for drinks at a Japanese place and saw the crowd gettin rowdy with spray cans. As usual the boys saw a chance to unleash their inner kid by going wild. The girls viewed it as a situation to stay the hell away from in case our hair got mussed up. Of course, our hopes were dashed as we got drawn into the battle. And it doesnt matter if you have a bf/gf there, its every person for their own. Shirley looked like a Christmas cake after a few guys had finished with her. Wat made it funnier was that she was talking on the phone when they came upon her. Will post pics after i get a USB wire… We wound down after the ‘battle’ at Alexis… whr the waiter looked apprehensive at letting us in. I think they were only reassured that we were ok, after they saw we were not armed with cans.

U know what ppl always say about Bangsar rite? Well, its true. Saw it for myself yesterday. And there Jason was… going on about how its not. Hahaha. really funny to see his face when he too, saw it for himself.